


I Was Just Waiting For You To Look At Me; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Short One Shot, that's basically it, they're at the beach and soonyoung gets emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: Being close to Jihoon feels like an adrenaline rush, and every molecule in Soonyoung’s body starts to shake. Jihoon’s presence is like a pair of arms wrapping around him so tight he can barely breathe through all the love.“What are you thinking about?” Jihoon asks. Soonyoung looks at him softly.“You.”
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 206





	I Was Just Waiting For You To Look At Me; Soonhoon

**Author's Note:**

> there's hardly any plot to this, honestly it was more of a projection / experiment where i just word vomited stuff about love lmao. i also didn't proofread because it's late and i'm tired lol i'm sorry (but i hope u like it <3)

Jihoon is lovely. A bit enigmatic, quiet when he speaks and hesitant to show too much of himself; sometimes he seems sad, but Soonyoung can’t tell if that’s just the way he looks or if he really is. He wouldn’t know, because Jihoon doesn’t tell him. He’s still really lovely, anyway.

Tonight, especially, because the lot of them planned a beach bonfire and now the sky has gone totally dark, this deep velvet blue that covers them like a blanket. The stars are out and Jihoon’s face is lit up by the orange glow of the fire. Every now and then a breeze blows through them and ruffles his hair, and Soonyoung wants so badly to reach out and fix it for him, for no reason other than to touch him. He watches him continuously, unwilling and unable to look away; the one time Soonyoung takes his eyes off of him is when he gets distracted by Chan throwing wet sand at Seungkwan, and he looks back to find that Jihoon isn’t standing in the same spot anymore.

He finds him sitting by the water. He sits down next to him.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Hey,” Jihoon says. He’s watching the moon.

“You’re sitting alone. Why?”

“Ah, no real reason. Just wanted to look at the sky for a bit.”

“Is it alright if I stay?”

Jihoon pauses. Soonyoung’s eyes flit to Jihoon’s hand, picking up the sand and letting the grains filter through his fingers, again and again and again. Finally, he says, “Yeah. I’d like it if you did.” In the dark of the night and away from the fire, it’s a little hard to make out Jihoon’s expression, but Soonyoung thinks he might be smiling.

Being close to Jihoon feels like an adrenaline rush, and every molecule in Soonyoung’s body starts to shake. The voices around them fade out and Soonyoung knows he’s buzzed, he knows he isn’t a hundred percent in the moment, but Jihoon’s presence is like a pair of arms wrapping around him so tight he can barely breathe through all the love. He wants Jihoon to hold him for real, so he can trace the curve of his spine and feel every ridge, let his palms glide over his back and his shoulder blades and grow warm from the heat coming off of the boy's skin.

“What are you thinking about?” Jihoon asks. Soonyoung looks at him softly.

“You.”

It’s just hardly visible, but Jihoon’s mouth forms a small _o_. He even says – or he breathes, it comes out so lightly, “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What - What about me?”

Soonyoung’s heart feels weak, dreamy. He wants to say _Your hands, your knuckles, your mouth, your eyelashes and your cheek pressed against my shoulder_ , but he doesn’t say anything at all. The words curl in on themselves and become thick in his throat, hard to say aloud but impossible to swallow, so he sits there quietly with what is probably a horrible, pining look on his face and Jihoon stares back. His eyes are bright enough to make the stars jealous, shining right through Soonyoung.

Somehow, he manages to choke out, “I don’t know how to tell you.”

How can he say that he wants Jihoon to burrow into him? He wants to pull his sternum out and make a space for Jihoon to rest in, comfortably, Soonyoung’s ribs curled snugly around him. He doesn’t know how to tell Jihoon that all he wants right now is to lay down on the sand with their arms around each other’s necks and to let the tide wash over them, cool and comforting.

It’s Jihoon who breaks the silence, changing the subject and temporarily putting Soonyoung out of his misery.

“You know you got chocolate on your face?” Soonyoung’s brows knit and Jihoon giggles, reaching out to swipe at the corner of Soonyoung’s mouth. Sure enough, there’s a smudge of chocolate on his thumb. “Probably from the s’mores.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung breathes. “Probably.” He wants to feel Jihoon’s thumb close to his lips again. He stares at Jihoon’s hand so hard he doesn’t realize Jihoon is staring at his mouth.

How would it feel to touch the moon? Logically - dusty, cold, impossible. Emotionally: a glow which would spread through his whole body and keep him so warm, he’d drown in heat. The air going out of his chest and replaced by light. If he could just hold Jihoon’s face, thumb at the little rose patches sitting right under his eyes, he thinks he could get close to that feeling. Keeping his palms planted in the sand feels like torture. It’s a dull ache pulsing in his chest, a dead fist punching him in the throat. It’s a suffocation. A desperation to do something but being held back by nothing, really, and everything all at once.

“I like your shirt,” Soonyoung says, stupidly, because he doesn’t know what else to say and he’s afraid that if he lets his thoughts go for long enough, they’ll reach his teeth.

“It’s just a grey shirt,” Jihoon answers.

“It looks good. On you.”

Jihoon doesn't answer this. Instead, he asks, “Will you tell me what you were just thinking?”

“You first.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung swallows, and his throat is so dry. “I can never tell what’s running through your mind.”

“ … Really?”

He nods. “Never.”

Jihoon looks perplexed, eyebrows scrunched together so Soonyoung is tempted to smooth them out. He says, “You want to know?”

“Of course. I always want to know. I can never figure you out, but I always want to. I just - never asked.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Jihoon starts to look watery, translucent, light shifting everywhere it hits his skin. “I don’t think anyone’s ever thought that.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m not a deep person. I’m simple. I come off as simple. I do everything I can to show myself as if there’s nothing more to show than just that.”

Soonyoung tries to imagine that – it’s hard, because he’s never seen Jihoon like that at all. He sees the gruff and the bluster, the short, quick sentences. But he’s been digging this hole of curiosity for so long, he can’t imagine stopping just at those things.

“There’s always more to a person. I just happened to look at you long enough to realize that you weren’t an exception to the rule.”

“Well, what do you care what more there is to me? Why did you look for so long?”

Soonyoung stops short, the words fizzing out on his tongue. Why did he look for so long?

Soonyoung got so close to Jihoon, he passed over him completely. Instead of landing somewhere concrete, he ended up in this empty space where every aspect, every quirk and mannerism became mysterious and hard to understand. He got so close to Jihoon, he started to further move away from him.

“You’re beautiful.”

“What?”

“You’re beautiful. That’s why I kept looking. And then I realized you were more than just beautiful, and I wanted to figure out what it was.”

Soonyoung breathes in deep. At this point, he’s completely forgotten the rest of their friends, only a short distance away. He’s forgotten the bonfire crackling and the tide coming close to their feet, but not close enough to touch them. He’s forgotten everything except his and Jihoon’s bodies, shifting with every breath they take; the inexplicable, unbelievably strong surge of emotion which overtakes him, eats him up from the inside until he feels as if he isn’t even a person anymore, just love hanging in the air.

“You want to know what I was thinking about you?” Jihoon nods, his lips are parted. “I was thinking that I could spend the rest of the night, or a couple of nights, or the rest of my life with my head in your lap, and your hand on my head. And I wanted you so bad my chest burned.” He stops, adds, “I wasn’t going to tell you that, but there it is.”

The silence is thick, permeated only by the sound of the ocean moving and laughter, bright laughter, suddenly very far away from them. Soonyoung bends his fingers and finds that they move slowly, like legs wading through water. Everything moves slowly.

So, Soonyoung has time to process Jihoon’s face coming closer to his. He has time to recognize the space disappearing between them. He has time to prepare for the feeling of Jihoon’s lips pressing against his – but the feeling still hits him like a cinder block to the face.

He almost jerks away in shock, but thank _God_ his head stays in place, only tilting slightly when Jihoon pushes against him.

It’s slow at first, and then they begin to kiss like they’re trying to absorb one another, like they’re almost one body and one movement. Jihoon’s hands move quickly up the length of Soonyoung’s back and fist at the fabric of his shirt; Soonyoung’s hands rest against Jihoon’s neck and his thumbs brush along his jaw, prodding, massaging it, encouraging him. They get so close, Soonyoung doesn’t even realize Jihoon’s got a knee on either side of his waist until he’s _there_ , sitting like that.

The warm, rough fingertips rubbing patterns underneath the fabric of his shirt, setting his skin on fire. The oxygen shared between them, taking a second to swallow air before closing the distance once more, exhaling affection into each other’s throats. Soonyoung feels consumed. He feels starstruck and desperate, hungry like never before. He went so long refusing to let himself imagine this. Now he has it, and he’s grabbing at it with greedy hands.

They stop only when Soonyoung’s back is flat against the sand, the weight of Jihoon’s body pressing down on him. Jihoon looks at him long enough for Soonyoung to lose count of the seconds passing, and then he sighs, a shudder running through him at the same time. He moves so his head rests on Soonyoung’s chest, and he says, “That’s not how I imagined our first kiss.”

“You’re kidding,” Soonyoung murmurs. “You thought the possibility of a first kiss even existed?”

Later, Jihoon would tell him that it had to be obvious. That if Soonyoung really hadn’t settled at the surface, if he had spent so much time wondering what was on Jihoon’s mind, he should have recognized the signs. “I stared at you all the time,” Jihoon would say. “And you thought I was _unreadable_. That’s ridiculous.”

And Soonyoung would laugh. His heart would be full. 

**Author's Note:**

> in my mind soonyoung and jihoon suffer the next month from the rest of the members bullying them for making out at the beach right in front of everyone. i just feel like u should know that
> 
> twitter: cheniuvrs  
> tumblr: 04ngel
> 
> <3


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